If networking is so important, why isn’t everybody doing more of it? One answer is the fear factor—namely, the fear of rejection. What if they ignore me? What if they—gasp—embarrass me? Yes, approaching others means your ego is at risk.

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But waiting for people to approach you is just as big a risk: many people are shy and just won’t initiate contact; it’s just as hard for them as it is for you. Do yourselves both a favor—go ahead and start! And rest assured that very few people are openly hostile or rude, if for no other reason than that it’s bad for business.

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Another way to do this is to realize how much you may be LOSING by not approaching the person in question. If you can put in the balance the risk of action with the risk of inaction, you’ll see that the risk of taking action is almost always the smaller one: generally, the worst that’ll happen is that they’ll say no. Whereas not taking action might cause you to miss out on a a once-in-a lifetime opportunity. Put in these terms, action may suddenly seem far more palatable…

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* Wear an icebreaker. When you dress for an event, try to wear something that people can notice and ask about. It can be anything that will draw attention, giving the person who wants to talk to you an easy excuse to do so. (I can tell you my 8-brace-and-sling has been a great one: people always ask me how it happened, and the ice is immediately broken when I truthfully reply: “I fell out of bed…” )

* Stand near the food. First, it makes for easy conversation starters, such as “what do you think of the cannelloni?” Second, when people eat, their endorphin levels rise, which puts them in a better mood, thereby improving the chances that they’ll like you. Third, eating also boosts their memory, and therefore the chance that they’ll remember you later. The dessert section is ideal: by this time, they won’t be starving anymore, their endorphin levels will already have risen, and the pastries are always an easy conversation starter.

* Another good conversation starter is to notice something about your target and offer a compliment followed by an open-ended question, such as “what’s the story behind it?” People usually only wear something if it makes them feel good or if it has meaning for them; so there’s often a story behind the broche or pin you’re noticing.

* Ideally, you want to ask questions that will make people dive into their memories. When somebody searches through recollections to share something with you, they feel as though you can hear, feel, see, and taste the things they’re remembering, which creates a sort of instant intimacy.