… Well, actually, that’s the message YOU should be giving THEM. In your mind, it should be all about them– because in essence, charisma is all about how you make people feel about themselves.
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One good example comes from the field of marketing, where Randy Gage advised at the NSA Convention: Take a look at your marketing materials. Using two different color highlighters, use one color for things relating to yourself, another relating to your client– what suggests benefits to them, the reader. If the second color doesn’t predominate, you have a problem.
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The same could be said of your emails. Read your past messages– how often does the word “I” appear, as opposed to the word “you?” Change your wording! Instead of saying “The O’Dwyer newsletter has some great tips on that subject,” say “You might find great tips on the subject in the O’Dwyer newsletter.” Or you can simply insert, “You know…,” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.
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Does the email speak of you, and your interest first? Theirs only second? Flip it around! Just cut, copy and paste so whatever pertains to them shows up instantly. In your conversations, your marketing materials, your body language, your everything, remember– it’s all about them.

Of course, you can consciously control a certain amount of your body language. But first, that takes effort; and second, it’s only a fraction of the 10,000+ signals you put out in each and every conversation. After all, your body is a 24/7 broadcasting network. Trying to control each and every one of these simultaneously, to achieve true coherence, would be absolutely mind-boggling!
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This may be why some great actors admit to being utterly exhausted, utterly spent, after a great performance. And if you don’t achieve complete coherence, you end up sending “mixed signals”–which people interpret as “there’s something wrong with his message”.
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Instead, go straight to the source of your non-verbal communication: the subconscious mind. If you can convince your mind that you really are feeling the emotion you want to broadcast, then your entire body language will fall into step. Hence, why other great actors “get into character”, aiming to “be” their character in order to achieve coherence (you may have heard of this as “method” acting). So how does one achieve this magic? Remember, the subconscious mind does not distinguish between imagination and reality.
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Have you ever felt your heart pounding and your blood curdling during a scary movie? Consciously, you know it’s just a movie.  The actors you’re seeing on screen are probably delighted to look like they’re having their heads chopped off in exchange for a couple million dollars. Yet your brain sees blood and guts on the screen, so it sends you straight into fight-or-flight mode, complete with adrenaline rushing through your system.
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Targeted imagination can also be called visualization. In sports, visualization has been considered an essential tool for decades. Professional athletes will spend hours visualizing their victory, telling their mind just what they want their body to achieve. Golfer Jack Nicklaus said that he never hit a shot, even during practice, without visualizing it first.
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So how does it work? Relax, and close your eyes—you’ll need your full powers of concentration. Now focus, and make it real. To make your imagery most effective, involve all five senses. Guided imagery must be precise, vivid, and detailed to be effective, says Harvard-trained specialist Stephen Krauss. When visualization was used with the 1976 Olympic ski team, precision and detail were crucial to the process. Skiers visualized themselves careening through the entire course, experiencing each bump and turn in their minds.
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If you want to broadcast a warm-and-friendly body language, imagine you’re meeting a loved one. Hear the laughter you shared together, taste the hot toddies you drank, smell the wood fire burning, feel the snowballs you threw at each other. Above all, experience all the warm emotions and sensations rising. Your brain will accept it as real; your body language will broadcast the warmth, and they will melt!