Looking for your next great beach read? Here’s Predictably Irrational, which in Hollywood I’d have pitched as “Influence meets Freakonomics” (but without the Bruce Willis part).

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Why and when do the most honest of us, steal and cheat on a regular basis? Why do we splurge on a lavish meal we’ll forget within days, but scrimp to save $20 on something we’ll use for a year? Why does the word “free” induce such a feeding frenzy?
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MIT-based Dan Ariely does a great job of simplifying and pop-culturing some of the same forces of influence that Cialdini covered in his groundbreaking treatise. Blended with economics, this particular point of view looks at market forces, irrational decisions, and the illusion of free will (amongst many, many other things). Though I did feel it suffered from occasional oversimplification, particularly where Cialdini does a much better job of describing an influence principle, nonetheless– this remains a highly enjoyable read.

The New York Times published a full review, and you’ll find it on Amazon.
Thanks to Howard Kaplan for recommending it.

How can you become instantly trustworthy? It’s actually quite simple: show people that you have their best interest at heart. Have you noticed how warm-and-fuzzy you feel when you see someone putting your well-being before theirs? Just like gratitude, this is as effective as it is simple– but just like gratitude, in order to work, it must be sincere (see earlier posts on our lie-detecting abilities.)
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As usual, rather than trying to tweak the thousand-and-a-half body language signs, it’s best to go straight for their source: your mindset. The good news
is that we have a natural gift for empathy. Since the individuals who were most apt in forming solid alliances with others tended to survive (and thrive, and multiply), a natural ability for affection and empathy became a predominant feature in our species.
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One of the easiest, and most powerful ways to set this tendency in motion is to simply identify with the person, that is, “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Don’t just think about it—feel it. If only for a few instants, try to imagine what it would be like to be this person, even if you disagree with their actions.

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Of course you wouldn’t have done whatever that idiot did – you would have never forged that signature, set up that offshore account, worn that orange tie. You know better, you’ve learned better, or have been taught better. But what if you’d been born in this person’s circumstances, suffered from whatever incidents they’ve suffered, been surrounded with the entourage they’ve had? Think of Bradford’s revelation—“There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

For starters, some emotions are difficult to fake. You surely instinctively know, and can feel, the difference between a real smile, which shows genuine pleasure, and a fake one. You know one when you see one, but what is it that’s tipping you off?
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According to Paul Ekman, the leading expert on facial expression, there is a clear, visible difference between a “social” smile and a “true” smile (also called a Duchenne smile): in the former, the smile does not quite reach the eyes, or at least not in the same way. In a true smile, the inner corners of your eyebrows soften, and fall down. The reverse will be true for authentic sadness—true empathy—in which the inner corners of the eyebrows draw up, together.
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Indeed, regardless of how well gifted actors and natural-born liars are able to control their facial expressions, they can only control so much: even when we control the main emotion showing on our face, the real emotion we’re feeling will often show up, albeit for a split second. These split-second “mini-expressions” are what other people pick up without even realizing it. It’s usually not enough for them to consciously realize what they’ve seen, but on a subconscious level, they know something’s off.
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Hence, the obvious conclusion: no matter how many shortcuts you use, sincerity still matters.

These days, a good measure of cynicism seems to be de rigueur for any intelligent citizen. Understandably enough—after all, we’re now able to chemically manufacture the hormone which creates trust (Oxytocin), we know which hormone is responsible for love at first sight (Phenyl Ethylamine), and Britney has found religion.
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Now, as you may have noticed, my articles and seminars are chock-filled with tools, tips and techniques to improve your interpersonal skills—including such topics as how to get anyone to like you, trust you, and think you’re the best thing since sliced toast. So of all people, how could I be the one writing about the importance of sincerity? Indeed, many of my clients, upon mastering a new technique, say something to the effect of: “Great! A shortcut! From now on, I can dupe people into thinking I care about them without actually liking them in the least, right?
Wrong.

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Oh, maybe it’ll work sometimes—perhaps when the people you’re trying to fool are too pressed for time, when they’re tired, sick or desperate for approval—in other words, when their radar is off. But the vast majority of the time, if you don’t really care, people will intuitively know- they can feel it. Why? Because human beings evolved to become excellent lie detectors. Think about it: our human society (and most mammals, for that matter) is based largely on cooperation: you do something for me, I’ll do something for you. Obviously, this system works when everyone does what they’re supposed to. It would not work if everyone refused to cooperate.
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But what about a system in which sometimes, some people cheat? The cheater is better off for having cheated—he got something for nothing—but the cheated can’t buck the whole system just because he got stiffed once, or he’d become an outcast. So cheaters can get away with it. But do the cheated blindly go on cooperating? Of course not. It’s in his or her best interest to learn how to detect cheaters, so as to not to be cheated again. Those of our ancestors who survived, thrived and multiplied, were those who were either cheaters, or non-cheaters who learned to spot insincerity and protect themselves. Hence, our natural evolution—towards better and better lie detectors.
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How do our instinctive truthsayers operate?

Stay tuned…