In times of crisis, our natural survival instinct is to become very goal-oriented, task-focused. When an earthquake hits, you focus on staying alive, not staying polite. Problem is, our nervous system can activate the same tunnel-vision focus whenever it senses elevated levels of anxiety– such as many of us are experiencing right now. Which means that many of us are feeling a strong urge to tunnel-vision and task-focus right now.

Unfortunately, focusing so intensely on a goal can take the focus off people and relationships in its periphery. Everything can be subsumed to getting the task done– and  if that’s the attitude we have, people will perceive it. And can feel resentful of being put second, or even feel as if they were a means to an end. So although we often do reach that short-to-medium-term goal, it can be at the cost of damage in the long run.

When in fact, by focusing first on the relationship, and second on the goal, you often end up having the goal better accomplished, sometimes even faster in the end– and strengthening your relationship in the bargain.

When I first started out as a volunteer sailing instructor, the hardest lesson I had to learn was: “Forget the curriculum. Focus on the student” This felt incredibly frustrating at times, as I hated to omit any part of the curriculum–but is it better to cover the whole curriculum, with students not assimilating a word, or is it better to cover less, but with them actually absorbing the whole?