We’ve touched on this subject before: that anytime part of your mind is busy resisting something, or condemning something— that it’s the wrong setting; that the interaction is not going the way you’d like, or that you’re not feeling the way you’d like– anytime part of your mind is  engaged struggling against something; then by definition, your whole mind is not fully present.

When this happens, it will be picked up by the people you’re interacting with. One sign is that your facial reactions will be a split-second delayed; which they will pick up on a subconscious level, and you’ll come across as inauthentic. The second cost is that struggling prevents you from being fully emotionally present, which is the only way to achieve deep rapport.

So— how does one get out of this trap? Let’s say you’re meeting someone with whom you’d really like to achieve a good rapport. If you’re busy  thinking that there’s not good enough rapport right now, the interaction isn’t going well enough, etc— that struggle is preventing the very rapport you’re hoping to achieve! So the first thing to give the rapport any space to blossom, is to stop struggling. Accept the situation as it is— let everything be as it is. How the interaction is going; how you’re behaving; whatever you may be thinking and feeling. Everything, everything, everything. Relax into the interaction. Be fully present.

This takes practice— and discipline. But the rewards are very, very worth it.