I’m often asked, “what’s the worst conversation mistake one can make?” Well, aside from the obvious–ranging from looking over people’s shoulders, scanning the room for more important people, to spluttering one’s drink all over their suit (one of my mentors actually did this), one is rarely mentioned: not being emotionally present.

Have you ever felt this? Answering questions on autopilot–you’re intellectually present, maybe even focused–your brain is engaged, but your emotions aren’t. In those cases, the conversation can feel pretty dead.

Now contrast that with times when you feel excited, engaged–an “emotionally present” conversation. Which one do you think will be more memorable? Exactly.

So how does one become more emotionally present? One way is to talk about something that either one of you is passionate about. Another, more effective but more uncomfortable way is to take a risk. This could be by revealing something about yourself (a risk of honesty); to take a stand, to say what you’re really feeling (a risk of interaction).

Essentially, anything that feels risky will immediately make you more present, more engaged, and your conversation partner will immediately feel the effect.